Thursday, February 20, 2014

The Public Restroom

I got pee on my hand.

I try to go in focused and agile but when I feel rushed, everything gets chaotic. It's a mess, really.

You see, I don't like seeing people I know in the restroom, like at work, for example. I can't have it. I don't want to know who stunk up the place or how loudly or wildly someone pees. If I know then I think about it when I'm with them outside of the bathroom and my brain just won't let it go. Like if I know that so-and-so had a massive digestive problem because I saw them in the bathroom after said incident and then later I have to work with them on something, all I think about when I see them is the massive digestive problem I witnessed. I don't want to be able to connect a face to a bathroom situation. It needs to be an anonymous place. Oh and eye contact after said problem, say we wash our hands at the same time, oh geez, I can't. Just no. But it goes both ways. I don't want to be labeled if someone can connect me to an unpleasant restroom experience.

So, all of that to say that I try to finish up my business, wash my hands and be out before the person in the other stall comes out, so that we don't cross paths.

Furthermore, I go to great lengths to ensure that I don't go into the bathroom with anyone, like at the same time. Say I somehow end up in the hallway with a co-worker and we are chatting and walking in the same direction. I slow down a bit so that they end up at the restroom door first and then I play it off like I wasn't heading there myself. I just keep walking. I'll walk around for like 2 minutes and then come back and dart into a stall.

I also can't go when someone else is in there, too, and there is no background noise, like music or a flush or a faucet, something to drown out the inevitable noise. I need a buffer of some sort. So I'll wait until there is a buffer or the person leaves. Only in extreme situations must I go without a buffer. In these rare cases, I have to put my fingers in my ears and then proceed with business. Somehow that  helps me to pretend that no one else is there.

But then there are others like me. Oh and they try to wait me out and sometimes it works. I give in and end it there. I'll come back later. I respect her commitment.

So, I got pee on my hand because I was rushing like my life depended on it. I needed to get the heck out of there so that I wouldn't cross paths with the person in the adjacent stall.

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