Friday, February 21, 2014

i have to live with this brain

For most people, I think, there is some sort of speed bump that slows the thoughts in your brain as they travel to your mouth to be spilled into the world. There are rocks or glass or tacks littered on the path, forcing your words to slow and this allows your brain to run it's fingers through them one last time to check for adjustments before they are said, never able to be unsaid.

Somehow, the landscape from my brain to my mouth is smooth and flat, maybe even icy, slippery. This means I have no time to grab words and push them back up if they are words that have no business being out in the world or in that moment. 
My coworker's dog is sick. I trip on my spoken words a lot. We are chatting in the hall and I ask about her dog. She is feeling sad about how her pup has to stay overnight at the vet's and how lonely he will be. Instead of simply stating my encouragement and optimism, I tell her a story of my own. I go in with the intention of cooling her concerns about her pup staying overnight. I tell her I had a kitten once and he had to stay overnight at the vet's. I was supposed to tell her everything turned out fine so I could be relatable and help her nerves to calm. But I kept going. The end of that story is that my kitten died, he an an incurable illness. I told a person with a sick dog that my kitten died. My mouth wouldn't stop, these awful words just poured out in front of me and there was no turning back.

I am the queen of untimely and inappropriate words. She walked away speechless and upset. 

Why am I like this?

No comments:

Post a Comment

chime in