Sunday, February 23, 2014

here shredder, you look hungry, eat my $50

Do not put money in an unmarked envelope amongst receipts, old bills and general paper clutter. You will most definitely forget about the envelope, thinking that you put it in a safe place already, because of course, why wouldn't you? Said envelope will resemble garbage and you will take it to work to put in the shred box. The locked shred box with the drop slot so skinny you can't fit your hand in to retrieve anything once it has been deposited. You won't be absolutely sure that you are allowed to bring personal stuff to put in the shred box. But you'll quietly put your papers in the box when no one is looking.

A few days later you will be tearing your purse up and turning the car upside down looking for the money in the unmarked envelope. It won't be there.

The story will unfold, slowly at first, then like an avalanche it will hit you and your breath will catch. You can't tell anyone of shred-box authority because then you will have to reveal your personal use of the shred box. You will quietly try to shove your arm into the box and you will unsuccessful, any further and your arms will have to removed from the box with the jaws of life.

So, you have to let the money go.

The shred box man will come for his monthly pick-up and you will hold your breath as he takes the contents to his mobile shredder and you will beat yourself up from the inside, hard, as you picture the money being torn to bits. As a matter of fact, it's being torn to bits as we speak.

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