Thursday, March 20, 2014

on the art of pretending

Last week we took notes on why we hate our jobs. I was struck by how many of us hate our jobs. Chances are, even though you hate your job, you've become pretty good at pretending you don't. We need money, don't we?

I am really good at pretending.

I could convince you through words, actions and facial expressions that I love my career of choice and that I really do live for a well constructed spreadsheet. You'd think I had passion for it, that it was in my blood.

Pretending is an art, full of smiles and phrases like "I love analyzing data" or "numbers are my passion". The further it is from the truth, the more tiresome it becomes. Dragging myself home after a day of pretending, I feel like I've been hit by a truck when instead, I've just sat handcuffed to my chair for 8 hours. It's draining. My energy and soul turned to vapor. My mood, hidden behind a smile, sinks into the depths of darkness.

We have to keep up this masquerade for now, at least until we decide/are able to follow our hearts toward our real calling or until we get so fed up with feeling this way that we walk out of the office and don't look back.

To support this art of pretending, I dream. I take a few seconds after a task or a certain amount of time has passed (like it's a game) and reward myself for pretending so well, with a moment to dream, jotting down notes, sketching out my dream home, making a list of careers or books to read or things to research or ways to live smaller. I'll look at pictures of places I'd love to visit or live and just stare for a moment. These exercises give me energy to keep pretending, because this pretending helps me get closer to those dreams by helping me clean up the past (debt paying) and to save for the future (dream funding).

This is the art of pretending.

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